I’ve gone through a lot since I started my previous blog back in 2011. Paradoxically, I have been bruised a lot yet also gone through quite a bit of healing in that time. Here’s a general timeline of what all has happened since I got married and started this blog:
June 25, 2011: I got married.
Fall 2011: I started TAing at a Montessori school that was extremely dysfunctional, to put it nicely. Within a month and a half of my starting date they let every teacher in my room go. I started asking a lot of questions about what was really important in life and what I wanted to do. I started my previous blog.
Spring-Summer 2012: I started my Etsy shop while doing part-time childcare at a church. I began trying my hands at various homesteading endeavors and loved every minute of it. I decided to explore the realm of “plain dress.” For a long while, it really resonated with me, even if the prayer caps were a pain in the patooter with my hearing aids. I had a lot of honest questions about G-d and church. Frankly, I didn’t feel like I had a safe place to ask them when moving forced us to leave the church I’d attended for the past 8 years. In the summer of 2012, my dad, aunt, and grandmother were all diagnosed with different types of cancer in an extremely small timespan. My dad and my aunt now have clean bills of health. My grandmother died in March of 2013.
Fall 2012: My cat, Luna, died of multiple organ failure. I had a lot of honest questions about death and the souls of animals, and once again, I kept my mouth shut. I began reducing my childcare hours for a myriad of reasons and began to focus on my Etsy shop. I decided I was fed up with prayer caps and switched to covering with head scarves. I also realized that having a plain wardrobe wasn’t spiritually edifying for me anymore.
Spring-summer 2013: My grandmother died in March of 2013, and it was a really difficult time for me. I was too shocked and overwhelmed to really work through my grief. I thought I was “doing okay”, and everyone around me thought I was doing okay, but on the inside I really wasn’t. I began having a lot of questions and frustrations about the way most Western churches run things these days. I began exploring Messianism a bit here and there. It resonated with me more than I wanted to admit. I had a difficult falling out with a close friend. I won’t say any more about that here but I will say it was brutal and kick-started a depression relapse. I had a significant reaction to shellfish and was faced with the reality of having to be proactive about avoiding food that contained shellfish. This required learning to say “No.” I realized that I had struggled with boundaries in other areas of my life up to that point. I read “Boundaries” by Drs. Cloud and Townsend, and I kid you not, that book changed my life!
Fall 2013: My depression relapse worsened and that kick-started an eating disorder relapse. (I did outpatient treatment in 2009-10). I was in a production of “It’s a Wonderful Life: The Musical”, and it was a ton of fun, but honestly, I didn’t feel like I had a wonderful life.
Spring-Summer 2014: I started incorporation more Messianism into my spirituality despite objections from both sides of the aisle. My husband went back to school for computer science. After a lot of prayer and self-discovery, I decided to become a “Jane of all trades” instead of settling on just one thing. Now I do a mixture of childcare, homesteading, Etsy work, and whatever else strikes my fancy, and I’m much happier!
So yeah, that is how my life has panned out over the last three years. I won’t lie to you, this is one of the most difficult posts I’ve ever written because The Jig Is Up and I’m coming clean about the fact that I don’t always have it together. If I’m being completely honest, the last few years are made up of more not-together than together. But I spilled my guts about what’s happened, and life as we know it did not come to a screeching halt, so I think we’ll all be okay ;).